Q: How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.
Jim: Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Bo: I haven't a clue.
Jim: Because they spend years at C!
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
A rich 40 year-old American woman decided to get married, but she wanted her husband to be a virgin and to never had been with a woman all of his life.
After some years of pointless searching, she didn?t found anyone with this description and forced to give an ad to the paper.
A month later, she met with an Australian man who had never been with a woman before in his life and she married him immediately.
On the first night of their wedding and before they lay down, she went for a quick fresh up and then went back to the bedroom, happy.
When she entered the room she stood steal...
She saw her husband naked to the center of the room and all the furniture on the corner of the room.
"But.. What happened?" asked the woman obviously shocked.
"Look.. I?ve never been with a woman, but if it?s the same as with the kangaroo, then I?ll need the whole room to catch you!"
I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, ?I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.?
He said, ?Have to love Easter, baby.?
A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
(All of them. Houses can't jump!)
Q: What do toys and boobs have in common? A: They were both originally made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them!
Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan and a supermarket trolley? A: The trolley has a mind of it's own.
A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
Happy family day images 2017
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100+ Romantic Valentine’s Day Love Messages